Breaking News

— hat tip: Al

LATE BREAKING NEWS:
Newborn found naked in barn —
Police and Social Services Investigate Carpenter from Nazareth;
Under-age delusional mother arrested, charged with criminal neglect.

Dateline: Bethlehem, Judea

In the early morning hours of December 25. authorities were notified by an alarmed citizen. He discovered a young family, who lives in a barn.

Upon arrival, the investigators of the social services division, who were supported by local police, found a newborn baby-boy, who after having been delivered by his 14-year mother, lying in container for cattle feed.

Also arrested were three foreign nationals who identified themselves as “wise men from a near-eastern country”. The Secretary of the Interior as well as customs and immigration authorities are currently trying to establish the exact whereabouts of said three men, who apparently are in the country illegally, and may be charged with terrorism.

A police spokesperson informed the press that these men do not have any identification papers with them. However, they were in possession of gold, as well as other illegal substances. They resisted arrest and claimed that God had asked them to return to their home and to refuse to make statements to the police as well as to avoid any contact with government agencies. The chemicals that have been found along with the illegals have been sent to a police forensic lab for further examination.

The whereabouts of the newborn have thus far not been released. A fast investigation and conclusion of this case appears to have been forgone. After inquiries from the press, an employee of the social services agency stated that “the father is of middle age and the mother is definitely not an adult. We are checking with the authorities in Nazareth, what relationship these two have with each other.”

Maria meanwhile is at Bethlehem County hospital for further medical and psychological exams. She has to expect to be prosecuted for criminal negligence of an infant. Her mental state will be further examined as she claims not only that she was still a virgin, but also that the infant was God’s son. In the meantime, she is being medicated with the most powerful anti-psychotic drugs Big Pharma can provide.

An official bulletin from the head of the department of psychiatry states that, “it is not my position to tell these people, what they should believe. However, if what they believe, as this in this case, leads to the endangerment of a newborn, we have to consider these parents as delusional and dangerous.

Finally, the following information was revealed: the shepherds on location continue to maintain that a large man wearing pajamas and two wings had asked them to find a stable and let the newborn live after he was born. A spokesperson of the drug enforcement agency stated, “This is probably the most stupid and ridiculous excuse of a full-fledged junkie that I have ever heard in my life.”